Why you need help and can’t fix yourself

For as long as I can remember I’ve been clearing the emotional debris that has built up within me over the years. Negative emotions left to fester will create a lime scale residue that builds a wall around the heart. As the heart contracts, the protective walls become blocked and the individual becomes disconnected and isolated from who they really are.

Psychotherapists now unanimously agree that our psyche can be likened to an iceberg. Many of us focus exclusively on the tip that remains visible above the surface. Yet underneath the waterline the full majesty of the iceberg is revealed. Self-awareness and a sense of feeling connected with our true authentic self can only be discovered when we explore the hidden depths of who we are.

We can’t fix ourselves by ourselves because our perceptions of ourselves need to be challenged. We can’t fix and heal ourselves if we are scared to delve under the waterline for fear of provoking something that we have worked so hard to bury. Our perceptions of ourselves often keep us stuck, emotionally frozen and disconnected because we operate on the same logical level that we’ve always operated from.

Every day in my work I meet people who have experienced trauma and painful experiences. Many of these people have tried to deal with the burdens from their past by burying them in a box that they’ve locked, then thrown away the key. As the years go by these negative emotions silently scream about the injustice of their repression. The individual works harder and harder to maintain a sense of control and in doing so becomes less able to connect with others at a deep level. The smallest thing can trigger the emotions stored in buried boxes and sometimes without warning one of them explodes up onto the surface causing tremors of fear within the 70 trillion cells in the body.

The sad truth is that many people believe that suppression, repression and the ability to bury their painful past is the best way to deal with their painful past. They become unable to see that the strain of ‘keeping the lid on the can of worms’ is destroying their chance at happiness, of deep connected relationships and ultimately, keeps them frozen in judgement rather than flowing with love and emotional freedom.

When a car breaks down we think nothing about taking it to a qualified mechanic to fix it. When we are ill we go to our doctor for their expert diagnosis in the knowledge that they are qualified to heal us and help us to feel better. Yet for some reason when we experience mental health issues, unbridled anger, depression or simply a feeling that we are low and disconnected from joy, many of us refuse to seek help from a qualified practitioner. I think this is generally harder for men who have been brought up to be tough, masculine and strong, because to express any form of emotion is perceived as a weakness. So people would rather battle with their painful emotions and keep them pushed down rather than seek help.

You are so much more than what you show at the surface. You have a depth to you that is powerful beyond your imagination. You don’t need to keep anything buried because this only poisons your perceptions and keeps you isolated from loving relationships and true intimacy. You are an extraordinary individual who has the ability to transcend your suffering and elevate yourself to a whole new way of being. There is freedom when you release negative emotions. There is tranquillity when you can truly forgive those who have hurt you in your past. There is joy when you discover that you are capable of great things and extraordinary feats of human kindness.

The world is full of examples of what happens when people repress and suppress their emotional baggage. You can’t assault or rape when you are connected with your heart. You can’t hurt or kill another when you are connected with your heart. You can’t disrespect the planet when you feel connected with the planet. You can’t remain locked in an emotional cupboard when you’ve found the courage to open your heart to love.

Each one of us is extraordinary and capable of extraordinary feats that radiate as a truth from our beautiful and loving heart. We are the superheroes within our own life and with the right support, the right help and the right guidance we are able to fly so much higher in our lives.

But you can’t do this alone.

You have to find someone you trust, someone who you feel safe with and someone who can gently guide you inwards to the depth of who you are. If you are brave enough to do this, you discover that you are truly extraordinary.

You owe it to yourself to release your inner extraordinary.

It’s time to rise up and be the man or woman you are destined to become. A person connected with an invincible sense of the potency of the love they hold in their heart. An individual who realises that by having the courage to explore their murky depths is the only way to experience emotional freedom.

If you have children this readiness to resolve, not bury, emotional issues is one of the biggest gifts you can bestow them with. Do you want your kids unable to ask for help, choosing instead to find temporary respite from a regular supply of antidepressants? Do you want your children to avoid discussions around conversations that matter? How you deal with your stuff teaches your children to deal with their stuff in the same way. Is this the legacy you want for them?

My greatest wish for you, if you are reading this, is that you soften your resolve to maintain this icy grip of control and relax into your loving nature. After all, you and I are connected. When you work on yourself, you heal a part of me and when I work on myself I heal a part of you. Isn’t that a lovely thought for us both?!

Release your inner extraordinary! You always knew you had it in you.

www.nikkijowen.com/extraordinary

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