Stop trying too hard – be happy!

Stop trying too hard

The quest for happiness can feel like a continual struggle when you are bombarded with a deluge of problems that seem hellbent on making your life harder. Have you noticed how attached you are about your life turning out in a certain way?  When something happens to take you off this expected ‘way’ it feels disappointing, stressful and sometimes painful. Interestingly, it’s not the challenge that causes the most pain, it’s the judgement we ascribe to the situation. If we judge something as bad then this creates a vibration inside that affects us. We compound the situation by adding on another layer of judgement. From our limited human awareness we form an opinion that either supports or sabotages our opportunity to feel inner peace in that moment.

This attachment for wanting life to behave and respond according to our masterful control is the cause for most of our suffering. We have grown an emotional dependency on external factors  that determine happiness and joy. Think about how the weather effects you. If the sun is shining, does it lift your mood? If it’s teeming down with with rain and you have a family barbecue  planned, how does this impact on how you feel? How often do you place the responsibility for your happiness on your partner’s shoulders? If they behave in a way that is not how you want them to behave do you feel angry or irritated? “If you helped out with the chores more then I’d be much happier”. Have you found yourself falling in love with a particular house believing that it’s your dream home, no other property will do. Buying and selling your home suddenly becomes laden with stress as the battle to get your dream home commences. Have you fallen in love with a particular person believing that they are ‘the one’ and none of the other 7.7 billion people on the planet will do? What happens if they don’t believe you are ‘the one’? Does this mean your happiness is doomed? Have you needed to lose a few pounds believing that this weight loss will give you a happier life? Whether it’s a career, a journey, a child or even our own appearance, we are overly attached to what we have labelled as the right way, good for us or what makes us happy. In this judgement we create an attachment for wanting people or things to be a certain way for us to feel happy. Invariably, nothing ever works out in the way that our egoic mind craves so we end up feeling disappointed, unhappy and frustrated that life is a struggle.   So we double our efforts in a bid to control it better. We try to become more perfect in who we are and what we do. After all if you try hard and do everything perfectly don’t you deserve happiness? 

Instead of looking within ourselves for the source of our happiness we ascribe responsibility to things, people or experiences. That’s why we ‘need’ them to respond in a way that satisfies our craving for happiness. The more dissatisfaction we experience the more pressure we feel to make things right. We don’t recognise that it is the pressure that causes us the biggest problem. The more we try to wield control over what we have decided will make us happy the more tension and pressure we develop. We harden our resolve and become more focused on getting what we need. We suppress and repress negative emotions in the misguided belief that when we get what we want we will feel happy and everything will be ok. “I will be happy when…..”. This internal battle creates a dissonance with the natural ebb and flow of life. We put so much effort into making our life into what we believe it should be that stop noticing how we are feeling. Our emotional essence is dissatisfaction that transmits on a vibrational frequency that is different to the vibe of happiness. You can’t access happiness when you are on a frequency of dissatisfaction, frustration or hopelessness. 

Your biggest opportunity for true happiness and peace of mind arises when you can let go of your expectations and judgements and make friends with how your life is right now. Even if your life is full of pain and anguish, the quickest way to liberate yourself from this is to accept how things are and find a way of perceiving your life that moves you towards a more positive set of emotions. If you allow yourself to dwell on all the reasons for your current unhappiness then you’ll only perpetuate more of the same. When you find a way to appreciate how things are right now then you create the potential for happiness.

My favourite affirmations/questions that help me to remain peaceful in my external chaotic life are:

  • Everything always works out for me.
  • I have everything I need within me to handle this.
  • It is what it is.
  • Things will get better, they always do.
  • What is this situation teaching me about myself?
  • What can I feel thankful for right now?
  • What would someone who loves them-self do?
  • What do I need to let go of to feel happy?

The egoic mind and the rampage of its schizophrenic thoughts, creates such a noise that we can’t hear the whispered truths from our true authentic self. If we are experiencing difficulty or struggle in any aspect of our life, we are being reminded to quieten our mind and listen to our heart. Life is meant to be easy. Happiness is a natural state of being that we can all access at anytime. There is great joy in choosing actions that cause you to feel good rather than actions that you think you should do. There is no right or wrong way, only your way and your best way is always a way that feels good. Stop trying so hard and feel your way towards a life where you no longer need anything outside of you to create your happiness. Because you hold the power to feel gloriously happy – it lives within you, so open your heart and let it in.